2/10/2024 0 Comments the science of heartbreakthe book in 3 sentences
general summaryHeartbreak is told through the lens of a woman in a long marriage that ends in divorce. This is simply the story of two people growing apart and the perspective of heartbreak tying together both the real life experience of the grief and also the science behind what happens in the aftermath. Heartbreak oscillates between her experience and research studies on how heartbreak physiologically impacts people. Not just romantic heartbreak, but grief related to the loss of people, major life upheavals, natural disasters, etc. Evolutionarily speaking, nature has overdone it when it comes to heartbreak. Our response to heartbreak can be quite dramatic because it was once a matter of survival. It use to be very dangerous to be outcast or rejected from the group. It's the whole, you are more likely to be eaten by a lion if you are alone versus being a part of a group. You had a better chance at surviving if you were accepted within the group. You shared food and shelter and had a better chance at living longer and reproducing. It makes sense that our physiological body would have a dramatic reaction to rejection. Even in modern times, people need each other from a social perspective. We grow and learn based on feedback from each other. Solitude can be valuable for reflection, but generally speaking lonely people are not healthy people. Heartbreak of all kinds has physiological impacts. People that experience the trauma of heart break will undoubtedly face greater risk of any number of maladies solidifying the tie between our emotional and physical well-being inside of us. The length of time of the physiological impacts of heartbreak will vary from person to person due to countless variables. There is a lot of research discussed in the book that I won't go over here except in a very general sense. What is most important to realize is that our experiences of trauma can have lasting impacts physiologically for years that can evolve into disease and shorter life expectancy. The impacts of loneliness on health are far greater than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, research says. Some people may do things that can ease the process of grief from heartbreak. Being periodically forced out of yourself to remember the interconnectedness to something bigger than us can be one of those things that is very healing. Research indicates that people that experience awe are able to integrate stressful life experiences better. Nature has healing effects on inflammation and positive impacts on other brain chemicals. Another way to feel a sense of connectedness outside of ourselves is through community, friendships, and being of service to others. Developing a sense of purpose that exists outside of the trauma of the experience of Heartbreak can improve our resiliency when in the process of grieving. how the book changed meI don't review every book I read. I review the ones that I really want to remember and the ones that resonated with me or an aspect of my life. This book was enlightening and affirming in that there was a reason I was feeling some sort of biological drive for me to be alone outside during periods of healing in my life. Our own internal mechanisms can be so useful to us if we only listen closely. I knew I needed to walk for miles in the woods and up mountains both by myself and with people that I love. I knew that I needed to be in awe of the world around me because it would make me feel stronger, more resilient, more grounded, and more connected.
Delving into service based work way also a way to bring joy and feel the world outside of something painful. Remembering that other people have there own worlds going on inside of them with their own problems. All of this made my problems feel not so big in the grand scheme. One aspect of your life can feel really big and it takes over when it is filled with grief and casts a shadow on everything else. It's good if you can find a way to diminish that effect by focusing on purpose, connectedness, community, service, and building relationships with people you love.
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